Over the last few months I’ve been exploring the idea that there is a whole other level that we can explore within all our relationships. I’ve know for a while that intimacy within relationships is complex as it comes in many forms and degrees. We are bombarded with images and brainwashing techniques from marketing firms that sex equates to intimacy. While sex is one form of intimacy, it is not the only one as there are many others that got ignored or even buried during the colonization process.
To decolonize ourselves, I’m finding that it is critical that we dig up these other forms of intimacy and bring balance to them. From a high and basic level, there are four forms of intimacy which covers the four bodies; physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. Each of these have different levels or degrees of intimacy depending on the closeness of ones relationship with another.
Physical Intimacy is one that most of us can relate to as it is the one that has received the majority of our time and focus over the years. It is also the most corrupted as lust, rape, slavery and other behaviours desecrated the spirit of healthy physical intimacy. While most people would relate this to sex, I think we should start on the other end: touch!
When we were first born, touch becomes a critical need that we have in order to feel connected, loved, nourished and fulfilled. However, social pressures and other traumas often result in a lack of touch and physical intimacy needs not being met. I can testify to this one personally. We are, after all, social beings and touch is a powerful social act to express intimacy between two or more people. With complete strangers a hand shake may be all that is required. For acquaintances a simple hug may accomplish an acceptable and nourishing level of intimacy. Good friends may extend that hug to 20-30 seconds, rub shoulders, feet or engage in grooming activities. Really good friends and family often explore intimacy at the level of kissing while lovers move deeper into the physical intimacy with petting, massage, nakedness, physical vulnerability and sex.
One of the most common errors comes when we ignore the other forms of intimacy and depend on just physical intimacy to define our relationships. Men often struggle in this area as we have been brainwashed through social conditioning, media, porn and other forms to think that this is intimacy. If this is how we define intimacy then we are missing out on a whole new world and that would also explain why people struggle with relationships. To remedy this, it is important that we identify and work on the other forms of intimacy and bring balance to this whole aspect of relationships.
Emotional Intimacy can be a challenge, especially when trauma, shame, guilt and other manipulations are used to intimidate or condition people to avoid or ignore feelings. Emotional Intimacy can be explored when each individual takes a leap of faith and becomes vulnerable enough to share their feelings, shadows and struggles in life. It is more than that, but due to colonization, violence, trauma and other social or environmental conditions, this is typically a good place to start. By doing the shadow work, each individual can find a place where the shadows no longer trigger violent or abusive responses, but instead manifests healthy self exploration, questions and healthy space to further the work. This also involves different levels of intimacy in that total strangers can share a little bit of vulnerability to remain safe while still sharing and building connect. Friends or tribe members may share far more deeply so that they can hold space for one another to work through painful memories or experiences. Lovers have the ability to take this to the next level as the amount of trust and vulnerability to have deep intimate relationships is built through progressively showing vulnerability on deeper and deeper levels. When we get to a point where we feel safe to be completely vulnerable, no matter the topic or scenario, we find a profound level of emotional intimacy. What I’ve learned is that deep emotional intimacy can be reached between men and women without sex. Guys, this is the area that the majority of the ladies use to explore and evaluate health and trust in their relationships. Learning this has changed my life!
In the last few months I’ve started to realize that there are two others that are often ignored. Mental intimacy comes when we meet people who are able and willing to be vulnerable in the exploration of ideas. While the intellect has been high jacked by formalized learning institutions like universities, social media and other tools have opened up this area so that we can all participate. The problem is that false ego often gets in the way to sabotage the exchange. When we do the work to heal our shadows, we can then start to be vulnerable when challenging the ideas that we embrace in our lives. As Steven Covey said, we often spend time formulating a response to the other individual rather than actually listening to what they are saying. The act of critical thinking and active listening takes a lot of hard work and a level of vulnerability in order to reflect upon and contemplate ideas being shared by others. This too has multiple levels depending on how close or intimate the relationship is between those having these discussions.
The one area I found to be woefully neglected is spiritual intimacy. Organized religion has actively preempted this area and did so on purpose. The last thing the powerful oligarchs want is people being spiritually active and intimate with one another and with Mother Earth. Through my exploration of restoring my ancestral tribes and my relationship with Creator, I’ve found spiritual intimacy to be a core component. This is where I’m finding ceremony, meditation, prayer and other modalities to be powerful tools to help me build a level of intimacy with others but also with my environment, Mother Earth and Creator directly. It is very difficult to have a profound intimate relationship when third parties are providing commentary and responsible for the interpretation of spirit. This ends up being a profoundly personal and intimate aspect of relationships as acknowledging that everything is spirit makes our very actions and behaviours critical to ensure the ripples of thought, action and inaction moves forward gently and without harm.
This requires a profound level of consciousness in order to 
navigate these levels of intimacy. I’ve also realized that holding space in sacred heart circles can provide an amazing level of intimacy and healing, but it requires an intimate partner to move deeper into the healing. The goal is to heal and be vulnerable to the point where profound intimacy is obtained without shadows or triggers sabotaging the experience. Imagine being with someone and exploring physical, emotional, mental and spiritual intimacy all at the same time or within a span of a few hours or even within the full expression of the relationship through the years?
This is where integrity comes in. One big lesson I learned last night is that this requires a profound level of integrity in order to reach this level of intimacy and healing. Integrity requires a strong moral and ethical foundation to build trust strong enough for both masculine and feminine to completely surrender to the experience. How can either of them do that if they are distracted by multiple intimate relationships, engaged in violent behaviours, whether covert or overtly done, whether consciously or unconsciously expressed? When two people do their work, clean up their lives and walk a path of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual integrity, I believe we will start to tap into a level of intimacy that would transform and meld the two energies into one. When divine masculine and divine feminine have the integrity to reach this level of intimacy, the energy between the two start to flow stronger and stronger. That is when magic starts to happen and I am also wondering if that is when the Christ Consciousness starts to manifest here on Earth. I wonder if that is how we can start creating Heaven on Earth and is why spirit kept telling me that I cannot do this by myself. It is time that the masculine and feminine heal and step into a level of integrity and vulnerability so that they can navigate the changes that would come when this transformation event manifests. I wonder if that is what the powers that be are trying to ensure does not happen.
Either way, this is where I’m headed and am profoundly interested in exploring. As I work through these ideas, I’m finding new and better ways of explaining it so that the ideas can be shared with others. With integrity, we can step forward into this new world. The wonderful thing about it, is that the integrity is what may actually trigger the flow of energy and manifestation. We don’t need others or ourselves to pass judgment upon us, it is a vibration that is obtained by working on our healing so that we can hold the charge of integrity. When masculine and feminine obtain that level of integrity, magic will happen and it will exceed that which Christ himself was able to demonstrate. This is what I want in my life and that means it is completely up to me to walk my path with a Christ level of Consciousness but also a Christ level of integrity!
