I’ve struggled my whole life with feelings of abandonment, not feeling safe, anxiety, not feeling worthy and even feeling as an outsider. My life is riddled with trauma that had profound influences on how I saw myself and influenced my interactions with others. Through the help of a powerful medicine woman, I am going through a therapeutic protocol that bypasses the fictional and even the physical in order to heal all of that once and for all. This work takes me into the astral and even into the ethereal. I’ve spoken about how I felt that the next phase of healing must move into the spiritual realm and that the healing done here will manifest actual physical results. I can testify that this is a valid approach as I’ve witnessed some amazing results. Time will tell on how this all integrates into my life.
Meanwhile, we went through several exercises to help me ground this and it was done by using imagery that I can associate with, specifically my medicine wheel. So I want to share with you what my new medicine wheel looks like and why the upgrades were put in place. The healing journey is not complete, but the intent of this leg is to put to rest the patterns that have haunted me my whole life. Here is my medicine wheel, with upgrades!
I stand in the middle of my medicine wheel with my staff, in the integrity, power and authority of I AM. I AM sacred, so too is this space around me, so I upgrade my medicine wheel to help protect, nurture and express this sacredness.
I install a dome shield over my medicine wheel. It is energetic but also made of rubber. Any negative or hurtful comments or energy thrown at me bounces off and is accelerated instantly to the galactic core for transmutation and healing. When multiple attempts are made, they don’t even arrive. Only those with the energy that resonates or uplifts me is allowed to enter.
I then installed large horse shoe shaped magnets in each quadrant of the medicine wheel, pointed outwards. The magnets attract like energy to my medicine wheel, but also repel any energy that would do me harm or violate the sacredness of my medicine wheel or me, standing in the I AM. Anyone attracted to my medicine wheel will also have to pass through my dome shield, allowing resonating energy to pass but burning off, repelling or transmuting anything that does not resonate with this new sacred space that I created. I feel safe at all times within this medicine wheel. I am home here!
Within this space, I planted a garden. The seeds that I planted are: joy, peace, freedom, profound physical, emotional, mental and spiritual intimacy, love, contentment, safety and prosperity, with room for much more. My garden is like a jungle; colourful, vibrant, beautiful, heaven on earth. I reserve a special spot for ‘her’, a mighty throne built and tended with what grows in my garden. May she find comfort, safety and prosperity within my medicine wheel along with the will and ability to walk our paths together.
I laugh and laugh and laugh. I feel joy and contentment.
While this is a picture of a physical medicine wheel I built, what I shared above is centered in my heart and I carry it with me at all times. My medicine wheel transcends the fictional and even physical realms and is grounded in the Spiritual Realm which trumps anything physical or fictional.
We live in a world that has criminalized certain types of violence, but very much normalized or even legalized vast amounts of covert and overt violence. Through colonization, it is now socially acceptable and even encouraged to engage in violent behaviour while many would argue that it is not violent at all. Rather than dispute the semantics of where people draw the line, I want to share the work that I’ve done over the last 20 years to not only navigate this mine field, but also how I set boundaries to protect myself from slipping back into a covert violent life.
I’ve found over the years that there seems to be a lot of confusion and disagreement with my approach, so I pray that exploring this protocol helps bring clarity to those that struggle with my approach in life. It is also important that I highlight my work to identify violent behaviour that many would consider socially acceptable. It is my view that we challenges these perceptions at every turn of our lives.
Identifying Violence
There is a lot of information out there that covers this topic very well. Aside from the obvious overt violent behaviours, exploring the covert abusive relationships is where it gets a bit more tricky. An individual could easily research the behaviours of psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists or even drill down into gaslighting, blame-shifting, word twisting and a whole host of other techniques. It matters not whether this is done consciously or not. The trick is to be consciously aware of these techniques when they come to bear in conversations or relationships. The scope of this post will not cover these in detail, but rather leave it up to the reader to do their own research.
For me, it required that I go through extensive painful life experiences and training to acknowledge that I engaged in this type of behaviour and that I surrender to be willing to learn the techniques on how I could change my behaviour in order to end the violence and have healthy relationships instead. It also made me intimately aware of others around me who do engage in these techniques. When presented, I see these behaviours like bright flashing neon signs. While it takes practice, over time we can all learn how to see and feel the signs of covert violence and then take appropriate steps to address the violence.
It matters not whether the individual is your self, an intimate partner, family, friends, co-workers, neighbours or even people wearing uniforms of authority. What I’m about to share applies to everyone and this is where great discomfort comes in for some who study the Pacem Arts with me.
Setting Boundaries
I acknowledge that the colonial trauma that we all experience and are working hard to heal, has resulted in multiple generations passing along trauma for thousands of years. We are ALL confronted with trauma but some deal with it in different ways. People naturally would respond to trauma by fighting, fleeing, fawning or freezing. Two of these responses result in a withdrawing into ones self, while the other two results in turning the trauma around and lashing out at others. It is the fighting and fawning people that end up being the primary abusers and engaging in all kinds of violence. Also keep in mind that many of us may fall into more than one category depending on the situation and the other two groups often empower the others, contributing to the problem.
www.publicdomainpictures.net (CC0 public domain)
As a result of all these challenges, our feelings, communications, thoughts, assumptions, life experiences, etc all influence how we see the world and interact with it. As I explore relationships from this new paradigm, I acknowledge that everyone has trauma to heal. However, I also acknowledge that free will dictates whether one is willing to do the work or not. So I look for a few things when dealing with people, while also acknowledging that most everyone will engage in some sort of violence in one form or another throughout my relationship with them. What I look for is whether they are willing to learn and willing to change. The attached graphic will highlight this to help with what I’m about to explain.
If an individual has a high willingness to learn and a high willingness to change, chances are high that these individuals are fairly conscious, aware of their shadows, willing to discuss relationship issues openly and explore alternatives or even engage in dispute resolution processes. With these individuals, when a behaviour manifests that causes harm to another, they are the most flexible and also willing to identify the problem, brainstorm solutions and implement them, triggering changed behaviour, growth and further conscious awareness and insight. It is these individuals with whom I like to have in my inner circle, who I call elders and I trust greatly to help me with my own journey. When we engage with one another in an Elders Circle, it is magical, respectful, inspiring, beautiful and amazing. We may slip up from time to time, but everyone involved is quick to gather together to remedy the situation as all involved recognize the value of addressing issues right away as the relationship is far too valuable to let mistakes or errors jeopardize it.
If an individual has a medium willingness to learn and a medium willingness to change, what I look for is their willingness to do the work, to explore, show up, ask questions, put effort in and do their best to figure out life. Let me be very clear on this point: Even though they may engage in violent behaviour from time to time, I tolerate it as they are still open to learning, being confronted and exploring the lessons that those opportunities present for all involved. I forgive them and pray that the experience provides growth and learning through these experiences. This is the spirit of the work that we do in Sacred Heart Circle.
However, if an individual has a low willingness to learn and a low willingness to change, things become dangerous as the will to acknowledge mistakes, work through issues or even hear what others are sharing becomes significantly diminished. When an individual slips into this area, their abuse becomes even more toxic as there is typically nothing anyone can do to stop the violence as it often escalates as a protective mechanism. They have made up their mind and will live their life the way they see fit and if they are violent, there is no way to stop it. There are plenty of articles written about Battered Spouse Syndrome and I’ve even written an article about Battered Citizen Syndrome to highlight how our love for these individuals is not enough to trigger healing within them. Hope, interventions and other extreme activities often don’t result in a shift as free will is a reality of this realm. In my own experience, what I needed to break free from this false ego black hole was to have a life crises which forced me to surrender and make a choice: change or die. I pray people don’t need to go that far in order to make the choice, but I’ve found this to be far more common than not.
It is the violence from this group of people that I’ve chosen to take a zero tolerance approach. The yellow line on the graph is my boundary and also happens to be the threshold between having the will to change or not. If I feel they have lost the will to learn or change, that means there is no way I could have a reasonable chance of being able to resolve disputes or confront them on their behaviour in order to find healing and remedy when they lash out or make a mistake. With all the others, I’ve found that I am willing to tolerate mistakes or some abuse as there are ways to resolve them, heal and strengthen the relationship as a result. But with the people that find themselves in that bottom red square, there is no remedy within my sphere of influence. Instead I’ve usually been met with abuse, gaslighting and other violent responses.
This is where the controversy comes to play as my boundary is to end that relationship. I’ve set that boundary because I love myself and I was not put on this earth to be abused or treated in such deplorable ways. If there is no chance for remedy, then I have no duty or obligation to interact with that individual, no matter what role they have played in my life. It matters not whether they were my spouse, mother, brother, sister, relative, friend or neighbour.
Let me repeat this point: I LOVE MYSELF AND NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO VIOLATE ME IN ANY WAY. My boundary is firm on this point and it should be for each and every single individual on this planet!
I acknowledge that this is very difficult for some people to do because setting this type of boundary requires that we have the ability to process sadness, mourning, loss and other profound feelings that comes from cutting abusive relationships from our lives. It also requires that I accept and embrace change as these decisions often manifest great disturbance in my life. By embracing change, I have found that I can navigate life easier and with more fluidity. Trusting that Creator will help look after me along this journey also helps tremendously. Many refuse to do this, so they will hold onto those abusive relationships because their willingness to change is low and they struggle as any learning they do conflicts with their unwillingness to change. This, in turn, drives themselves towards the red square.
In my experience there is also a threshold that people go through as they drop down into the red low learning, low change zone. Prior to crossing that threshold, there is still some willingness to hear what people are saying and they are willing to make changes, but it is tough. I’ve used blunt language with these people in the hopes that they can avoid crossing over that threshold. There are many within the tribe that this has helped and I am grateful. It is also my experience that once they cross that threshold, there is no way that I can rationalize with them. By setting the boundary and refusing to spend time with them, I pray that Creator will soften their heart and help them surrender and choose to learn and change once again. This has happened before in my life as well, where I set boundaries, removing myself from their life and they returned years later, apologizing and asking for reconciliation.
The message I work hard to send is clear: violence will no longer be tolerated. Period. Either an individual embraces the work with the will to learn and change or they don’t. This approach is supported by Christ’s teachings, specifically Matthew 18:15-17. Some struggle as they were taught blood is thicker than water, but these are colonial constructs that only perpetuate multi-generational trauma.
Don’t Shoot the Messenger
I’ve also noticed over the years that when I or others stand up to be a witness to the abuser, this ends up being disturbing to all the people associated with the abuser. It is an interesting phenomenon that people don’t like change and when abusers are confronted, it risks GREAT change within the social relationships of the group, whether it be a family, tribe, corporation or even a government. People don’t like change and to some degree, they are willing to tolerate violence so that the social order is not disturbed. I find this actually quit disturbing as it only perpetuates violence and gives violent abusers a sanctuary to continue their abusive ways. It also discourages people from standing up to be a witness to the abuse of others as they are often judged or attacked for their testimony. As a result, the witness ends up receiving the vast majority of the attention which is opposite of what should actually be happening. This happens in the micro as much as it happens in the macro.
In my experience, standing up as a witness to somebodies violence, while they are in a high willingness to learn and a high willingness to change is often met with gratitude, appreciation and full participation to resolve the behaviour. This makes it very easy to tolerate the violence as it often results in growth. For the middle group, I’ve found the ground rules and sacred space of the Sacred Heart Circle to be the most effective means of confronting violence. I do it with gentleness and questions to help guide the individual through the journey of healing, learning, change and growth. Because of this, I am also willing to tolerate violence. In my view, I feel this is a manifestation of my own work on violent behaviour, a testimony to the 20 years of work, growth and healing that I’ve done.
I acknowledge that many still struggle with my zero tolerance with people in the red zone, but this should never be interpreted as me being callus, insensitive, uncaring or unloving. I trust that Creator will help them through their journey and I make it very clear that if they want me as a part of that journey, there is a minimum standard of behaviour that is expected from everyone around me. I’ve worked hard to maintain that minimum standard and it is something that I think we ALL should be establishing. The message to be sent throughout the world is this:Abusive behaviour, whether overt or covert in nature, is no longer tolerated; by anybody.
This is the premise and standards set for the Pacem Arts and ALL my relationships. I acknowledge that I live in a rather abusive and violent world and as such my social circle is really small. However, it is growing because I know in my heart that the people around me acknowledge, appreciate and honour those standards that I’ve set for myself and those that I interact with. These are my standards and boundaries. Nobody has the right to convince or intimidate me to move off of those standards, to do so is a violent act. But for those that honour and respect those boundaries, I have witnessed great love, compassion, growth, empathy, friendship, trust and profound intimacy; exactly what I’m looking for in my life.This all takes a tremendous amount of hard work, profound changes and a willingness to learn new ways of communicating, resolving disputes, having profound conscious awareness, honesty and courage to stand up to those that we love most. This journey produces a tremendous amount of disturbance, but there is no way to get to this peaceful place without going through the pain, turmoil and profound disruption. I pray this helps people process the consequences of my actions as I set boundaries that impacts all those around me. I pray that this helps explain where I am coming from when I do this work.
By holding those in the red zone accountable for their actions, we can help make life uncomfortable enough to surrender and chose to learn and change instead of sitting in a place that is familiar and engage in inappropriate behaviour. That is, in my view, the most loving act we can express to the violent offenders. They deserve healing as well; but it must start with them. We can help by calling them on their shit.What are your thoughts on this topic? Feel free to comment below.
I am constantly amazed at how spirit orchestrates our conversations and what people get out of them. Tonight is no exception. We discussed boundaries and the steps that we need to take to bring our values into our conscious awareness so that we can have a firm foundation upon which to evaluate what is going on around us and within us as well. While this was introduced with the scenario of lock downs and masks, it quickly deviated into topics that were far more personal and deeper. I hope you enjoy the recording. Peace and love to you all.
photo by Djuradj Vujcic, CC BY 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons
In this class we discuss how our lack of awareness has gotten us into relationships that are abusive and the type of knowledge that is required to be able to set healthy boundaries. Protocols for establishing those boundaries was also covered as well as the moral and ethical foundations for doing that work. I hope you enjoy the recording. If you have feedback, thoughts or comments, feel free to share them here.
It happens in the bedroom, family room, board room, court room, social media walls, wall street, on the streets and even in parliament. Covert violence is everywhere and most times the abuser is not even consciously aware that they are being violent. The abused usually don’t figure it out for years, but when they do it takes many years and attempts to escape.
The sad reality of this violent cycle is that the abusers have been abused themselves. When we are confronted with violence, stress or other dangers, the typical response is usually to fight, flight, freeze or fawn. While some people will try to run away or end up freezing in their tracks, it is the fighters and those who flip sides to become an allies of their abusers that in turn end up being abusers and continuing the cycle. The problem as I see it, is that even those that run away or freeze will eventually turn to fight or fawn if the violence continues for a long period of time.
My natural tendency is towards flight. I worked hard throughout my childhood to avoid confrontation, violence or anything that I felt is a danger to me. Yet I still ended up being an abuser, overcome with shame, guilt, frustration, pain, anxiety, loneliness, depression, addictions and even suicide attempts. No matter what people did to intervene, there was no way I was going to hear what they were saying. I was convinced that people out there was the issue, not me. No amount of intervention was going to change my mind.
I had to hit rock bottom and face the ultimate choice before I was ready to surrender and really start to listen to what others were saying. What was that choice? Change or die.
I write about this at length in my book and in my posts. Today I want to outline what covert violence looks like and how it feels as it seems to still penetrate every aspect of our lives. Until we start to confront these behaviours, we will continue to struggle in our efforts to find peace in our lives. This is not a comprehensive list, but I hope that it helps bring awareness so that when we set our boundaries, we can include these behaviours in our protocols for self governance and healthy relationships.
Laughing
Laughter is a healthy expression when we are having fun and confronted with something that is funny. However, laughter is also a covert violent approach to mock people and attempt to dismiss how others feel or view scenarios. Abusers will use this behaviour to intimidate people to back down from their confrontation or position. It is used to belittle or rebuke others, raising themselves in status while lowering others at the same time. When in a serious conversation and somebody starts laughing at others, this can often be a covert violent attempt act against others.
The Laundry List
In a healthy relationship, people would discuss an issue and work through it prior to moving onto another issue. Within that relationship, they may also wait several days to make sure that everyone has processed it properly before moving on. However, some people like to bring up multiple issues and continue to bring up issues in order to overwhelm the others and control the conversation. This technique allows the abuser to feel superior or justified in their position as a list of evidence to overwhelm the guilty is presented. This approach is not about healing but about judgement and guilt, a covert violent technique to shut down the other individual and win an argument through overwhelming his / her opponent.
Speed talking
This is a technique that is often used with the laundry list, where the abuser talks quickly and non-stop in order to overwhelm his / her victim and make sure there is no time or space for others to respond or confront them on their behaviour. Speed talking is also an intellectual technique that can suppress others by presenting so much information that it confuses the conversation as there is too much information to consciously keep in ones mind, let along discuss in a healthy way. The confusion is magnified as the topics start to blur into one another and any response is met with more information to drown any comments or views by other people.
Assumptions
Abusers will often make assumptions and then sabotage any attempt by others to clarify the situation. If successful, their assumption then stands as fact, making their position correct and everyone else wrong. This is an attempt to make people feel stupid or wrong, even though it is done through manipulation or dismissal of what other people know, think or feel. This allows the abuser to then label others, often using labels that carry social stigma in order to control, shame or guilt others to support their position and join in on suppressing those who are being attacked by the abuser.
Being the victim
If the abuser feels like he / she is not winning, they will then start to pout or act out in other ways to manipulate others into treating them like a victim. This is a tricky and dangerous behaviour as depression, treats of suicide and other manipulations are often used to get people to pay attention or take action. If people don’t, then they may lash out violently by screaming, yelling, name calling or other manipulations to force compliance and look after them. This is an approach that I often took during the 20+ years I was struggling in my life. It is a dangerous approach as I was a victim too, but because I was not consciously aware, I worked on people’s empathy to manipulate them. I was not interested in healing or confronting my own shit, but instead I used it to gain favor, attention and affection.
Gaslighting
Through psychological manipulations, abusers attempt to overwhelm their victims to the point where they start to question their own sanity. Highly intelligent abusers will use their intellect to make others feel stupid and surrender to their mastery and superiority. This site has a good list of what the 11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting are all about. Being consciously aware of these signs can be very helpful when recognizing covert violence, especially in sacred spaces where this type of behaviour must not be permitted.
No Win scenario
The abuser must win at all costs and he / she is willing to say or do anything to ensure of that win. To them, this is a win / lose situation and any loss would devastate their position and result in a loss of power or standing within the relationship. As such, they are prepared to lie, beg, yell, intimidate or act out in any way possible to win! Even a condescending tone of voice or look on his / her face is enough to intimidate others to back off and let them win. This puts everyone in a no win scenario and completely blocks the group or couple from healing, being real and feeling acknowledged, loved and supported.
Sacred Space works very differently
While I recognize that abusers need healing too, I also must acknowledge that the healing cannot take place until they have surrendered and dedicate their lives towards self healing, improvement, forgiveness and making significant changes in how they behave, think and express themselves. Â This is currently rare, but it does happen and this school will hold space for those that have done the surrender and are getting to work. Â
However, sacred space must be safe for people to do this work and if an individual resorts to these type of violent behaviours, whether overt or covert, they will be removed from the circle. Â Boundaries are a core and fundamental tool that must be used when dealing with violent people. Â It does not matter whether it is government, corporations, co-workers, family, friends or lovers. Â Boundaries are key and within the Sacred Heart Circle, we learn about what those boundaries look like, help people explore their boundaries, set them up and support them in their efforts to be safe and secure. Â
Within this space, we use a specific protocol as most of us use covert violence due to modern social constructs making this type of behaviour not only acceptable but encouraged. Â As such, we slow down the conversation within the circle. Â The heart works very differently than the brain and if things are going fast, chances are good that the brain is working to express itself rather than working hard to connect with the heart and express what it is feeling. Â This is, by far, the most difficult step for abuser or victim to take in their healing journey.
We accomplish this by asking pointed yet gentle questions to help the individual explore their heart, behaviours, words, assumptions, etc so that they can find their heart space, connect to it and start the healing journey towards self love, forgiveness, freedom and feeling supported along the way. Â It is critical that we give the individual time to explore those questions, so there is often silence as exercises like this is so new and foreign to most people. Â When conversations go fast, it bypasses the heart and we want to avoid that within this space. Â By asking questions, we also don’t make assumptions or invoke other manipulations to force people through this process. Â
We also encourage personal sharing, where people share their story and by being vulnerable, we can start to relate to one another in emotionally intimate ways. Â This too is a skill development that helps us to connect with self rather than lashing out at others in anger, contempt or violence. Â The main goal is to have a safe space so that people feel safe to lower their armour so that they can connect to their heart. Â This is a slow, methodical, deliberate and focused approach to healing, boundaries, love, forgiveness and acceptance. Â
While tribe building was an unforeseen manifestation of this process, it is not the focus or intent of this school. Â This school is focused on personal healing so that the individual can find peace within themselves so that they can then express that outwards in their lives. Â How that expression manifests is up to them. Â Some people may use it to build tribe, while others work hard to unwind themselves from other abusive relationships like the state, corporations, society, etc. Â We cannot do this work until we are consciously aware of what violence looks like and feels like. Â When we experience it, we can then consciously address it in a healthier way, rather than getting dragged into the web of the abuser. Â Often, that requires setting and implementing boundaries. Â
Within this school, if the individual is not able or willing to surrender and do the work in a peaceful way, the boundary will be implemented and they will be removed. Â New protocols have been setup to help with the boundaries as well. Â
While I acknowledge that everyone has value and valid points, that will not trump this boundary and give them a free ticket to abuse people just because they have something we need or want. Â That is not a good reason to abandon a boundary and is often used by abusers as they work hard to infiltrate groups. Â Â Â I hope this helps bring some conscious awareness to the group and set the boundaries for moving forward. Â
May Creator bless us all with peace in our hearts and our relationships.
For nearly 20 years I’ve worked hard to walk a path of integrity. The previous 30+ years was wrote with covert violent behaviours, lying, addictions, depression, suicide attempts, numerous stays in hospital and other traumas that I fully disclosed and shared in my books, writings, etc.
The other thing that I shared was how hard I had to work to walk a path of peace in order to demonstrate that I am a changed man. I did that work because that is what is required in order to build trust, especially with people who have been victimized by violence and / or abuse. It took YEARS of work and walking the path in order to demonstrate that I have changed and that I’m not going to resort to my old violent ways.
Sometimes I make mistakes, but I work hard to remedy those mistakes!
It has come to my attention that my separation from my wife of 25 years may have irreparably tarnished my reputation and integrity to hold space for those wanting to learn the Pacem Arts, heal and decolonize. I’ve also been informed by my dear friends that I may not be explaining what happened properly and as such I’m being misunderstood.
In order for me to explain what happened, I must first explain my boundaries. Please permit me to use an example. Many alcoholics must refrain from drinking in order to help themselves heal from their addiction. Any temptation of alcohol around them is often painful, stressful and highly triggering. People who support the alcoholics will do what they can to avoid drinking around them in order to help them heal.
Being a reformed abuser, I’ve had to set boundaries to avoid abuse and violence, much in the same way alcoholics do with their addictions. I’ve worked hard to take a zero tolerance stance with abuse because I had to in order to maintain my own health and well being. Violence and abuse highly triggers me. I feel pain, anxiety and extreme discomfort when people engage in abusive behaviour. The problem I have is that most people engage in abusive behaviour.
Much like an ex-alcoholic, I’m sensitive and I work hard to find ways to heal and cope with the behaviours of others so that I don’t engage in those behaviours myself. I do that by confronting them and seeing if they are able and willing to heal so that they no longer engage in the violence. Most people are not. So I walk away, doing my best to remove myself from the violence.
I’ve gone to the point of even removing myself from the government and corporations as those relationships are abusive as well. This is NOT an easy path to walk, but I’ve gone to extreme lengths to walk this path as my health and well being is extremely important to me and my relationships with those who fully comprehend the scope of this work that I do.
Many people don’t comprehend and as such they rebuke me with accusations that I throw away relationships far too easily, without realizing that my boundaries are there to protect myself and others. I end relationships because I don’t want to be abusive or violent but also abused either. I take a zero tolerance approach as my own health and well being depends on it and so does the salvation of my spirit! My resolve to walk this path is most likely beyond the comprehension of most people, including my ex-wife.
This caused great conflict between my ex-wife and I. She asked me to compromise my firm boundaries in order to maintain some level of relationships with those that she valued. She felt caught in the middle between me and others as I often refused to have a relationship with them. This caused great stress and anxiety within her and our relationship. So much so, that we were unable to find a remedy. As a result, she asked me to leave.
I willfully left and left almost everything with her as my love for her is absolute and the last thing I wanted to do is cause her pain and suffering. If I compromised my own boundaries, I have no doubt that I would have resorted to further violence and started going down a path that I absolutely refused to go. I’ve been down that path and it is dark, ugly, painful and downright violent. The most peaceful solution was to remove myself from the situation. I also walked away from the land that I spent 14 years building and developing. I left it all to her because I built it for her and my sons.
I’ve worked hard to be fully transparent and blunt about my journey in life. I’m no guru and I make no claims to know it all or be an expert of any kind. I share my journey and my story in the hopes that I can influence others to chose a path of peace, healing and freedom. While my life may seem extreme, in many ways it is. What I do well is hold space for others to do the same. I work hard to build trust so that people can feel safe to be vulnerable and do their work to heal.
I’ve witnessed many miracles over the years and I know that I make a difference. However, I am not for everyone. I am blunt, open and unyielding when it comes to honour, integrity, peace, freedom, prosperity and love. I am equally unyielding when it comes to violence, coercion, greed, war, theft and other violent behaviours, whether done overtly or covertly.
I am no saint or angel either. If you are looking for a professional teacher or therapist with pieces of paper on the wall, then you are in the wrong place. I hold space within this school for people who are serious about peace, healing and freedom. We all have trauma to heal, including myself. The group here is more than willing to help hold space so that we can do that work.
Make no mistake, this is work. Much like the martial arts, we do things over and over again, using repetition to help us learn and heal. People come and go, depending on their needs. Sometimes class is empty, often times it is full. Healing, peace and freedom is the primary goal.
What I do know is that this work will manifest beautiful things that was never designed or intended. Much like the martial arts, after years of training, a spiritual enlightenment starts to manifest within the student. I have no doubt the same will occur within the Pacem Arts as well. What that looks like is completely up to each individual student.
I trust that Spirit will guide that process and as such, I focus on the mechanics of healing, peace and freedom. I trust Spirit will help guide us on the spiritual and tribal manifestations that we are all searching for within our lives. I’ve learned a lot through this process already, now that the school has been up and running for seven months. We are young yet, but for those willing to take that leap of faith, I have no doubt that we will get there. Where are we going? I have no idea, but I trust in Creator to guide us along the way. It is the journey that I’m interested in, not the destination.
If this does not resonate with you, then you are welcome to find others to walk your path with. I will not apologize for being me, having firm boundaries and doing what I need to do in order to maintain my own health and integrity.
One of the first justifications for me training in the martial arts was to learn how to discipline my mind. I was struggling with depression and my early recovery at the time and I needed help to quiet my mind and to ground myself so that I could explore this new aspect that I found: feelings. My intellect often drowned out my feelings and that caused all kinds of heart ache and pain. Martial Arts was one way that I found to quiet my mind. But I also found out that it allowed me to connect with my body in ways I never contemplated before.
By spending 9+ hours a week on nothing but 100% focus on my body, I was able to build a relationship that ripples throughout my life to this very day. More importantly, it also helped me to listen to my body as it has a lot to say. My body has feelings and those feelings were important to acknowledge. This required a tremendous amount of discipline to obtain that level of relationship, especially considering how strong my intellect was at the time.
This is one area where martial artists excel as their training provides a great deal of discipline that can be applied to all areas of life, not just to the training. This discipline helps when we are in stressful situations as we depend on calm, balanced and focused responses, rather than off the handle reactions that can often escalate situations unnecessarily. Our job is to deescalate in order to prevent war, not to provoke others or ourselves into war.
In class we would practice that discipline in everything we do. EVERYTHING. Even when we are lined up to start or end class, when our master asked us to stand at attention, we were to control ourselves to the point where we did not move a muscle. Try it some time. Try standing still, absolutely still for a few minutes. No wave in our stance. No fidgeting. No scratching that itch. No wandering eyes. No responding to distractions of any kind. Without training, most people would not be able to do that. It took me several years before I could discipline my mind to not chase after squirrels (distractions).
The Pacem Arts will require an equal or even higher level of discipline. As we move into a new paradigm, there is going to be a lot of distractions going on around ourselves. There will be plenty of triggers to entice us into war with others. If we are going to be effective Pacem Artists, we must work on our discipline and remain focused on what the work that Spirit needs us to do.
We don’t have the benefits of being in a martial arts class to work on this as we are spread throughout the land. But we can work on it while we are together in class. We need each other to hold ourselves accountable. We can provide feedback for one another as most of our actions and behaviours are often unconscious. By bringing these into our conscious awareness we can work on it. This requires time, dedication and a burning desire to be peaceful and free.
As in the martial arts classes, we can duplicate some of those protocols here. I had absolute respect for my Tae Kwon Do Master. He had knowledge that I wanted to learn, so I was prepared to surrender and learn it his way. I bowed to him out of respect. I also bowed to my fellow students as I could not learn without them there too. I bowed to the gym as we could not train without the facility. Showing respect to everyone and everything is a custom and sacred medicine of the Yellow Tribes of Asia. There was no talking back or challenging the Master. It was his way or the door.
We don’t have the privilege of time any more. World events are escalating and it is time we step up our training as we will be required to help others in short order. We need to work on our discipline to ensure that we can master this new art form. As in the martial arts, there were rules for training. If we used Tae Kwon Do outside of the class, we were kicked out. We were NOT allowed to go to war or hurt other people with the knowledge that we were taught.
In the Pacem Arts, if you use this knowledge to attack or hurt other people, I will kick you out and not invite or allow you back in. I will take a zero tolerance on this point. I know that people attending were at war and working hard to remove themselves from the war. I know that we are decolonizing ourselves and that takes time. However, I am asking all students to have the discipline to refrain from violence of any type while training with me. This is going to be hard work, but if you cannot control yourself, then I cannot help you.
By training with me, we must all dedicate ourselves to being peaceful at all times. This is an art form of honour, respect and dignity for all, including ourselves. The Pacem Arts brings with it a tremendous duty, which can feel daunting. With training, experience, guidance and patience, we can work through it all.
I’m asking students to work on their self discipline every day. Stand with your feet shoulder width apart, hands by your sides, head up, shoulders back and eyes straight ahead. Stand there for 5 minutes and work your way up to 15 minutes. Focus your thoughts on that one spot in front of you. Your mind is going to go crazy and your body is going to freak out. Build that discipline so that you can govern both. Without that level of discipline, how can we expect to handle ourselves when we are triggered by stressful events around us?
If you need more help, join a martial arts class, preferably one that teaches the art rather than the sport. There is a huge difference between the two.
In our Pacem Arts classes, I demand respect, honour, patience, honesty, integrity and an indomitable spirit. If you cannot honour that code of conduct in class or in life, then you will not be welcome into our sacred space.
We may disagree with what others are doing or saying, but we still must respect and honour them, their spirit, path and journey.
As a reformed emotional and mental abuser, I often wince when I see people express to others that the abuse happened in the past and to get over it. When working on reconciling relationships, we often focus on the side of the victim, but how often do we discuss the side of the abuser?
Let’s explore the later and the only way I know how to do that is to share what I went through during my healing journey. This journey required some key milestones that I had to go through. Each milestone was like climbing mount Everest, but with hard work, burning determination, support, and an open mind and an open heart, anybody can work through this journey.
Surrender
This first milestone took me 33 years to accomplish. Mainly because I refused to see or admit that I had a problem. Most abusers struggle with this first phase and as such fail to go through the healing journey. For me, it required that I hit rock bottom and be confronted with the sobering choice: Change or Die. Drugs, alcohol and a whole host of other addictions made it very difficult for me to be honest with myself. But when I faced that choice, I finally surrendered and chose to change.
That opened me up to really hearing and seeing how my behaviour was hurting other people, how to connect with my feelings and communicate with others in a peaceful and loving way. My violence was rooted in my own trauma, so I had to work on healing all of that at the same time. Tough, painful work. But I got through it and continue to fine tune it even to this day. I speak about this project frequently within my book, sacred circles and even in public as this is a big hurdle that prevents much of our healing in today’s world. Lots of people walking around with hidden or unacknowledged trauma.
Duty to hold space
During our reconciliation process, part of the healing journey is for the abuser to make amends with his / her victims. This can only really happen when both sides have done considerable healing work, otherwise there is a risk of sliding back into the abusive relationship. However, when done properly with honour and spiritual guidance, this can be a profoundly healing journey for both sides.
The challenge for the abuser is that he / she must hold space for the other to be able to share without fear of retaliation, justification or some sort of response of self defense, etc. This is best done within ceremony, facilitated by individuals who have experience with this type of work, but could be done one on one with a great deal of respect, honour and integrity. What this means is that the reformed abuser must hold the space and allow the abused to share their feelings, in silence and then acknowledge the violence to validate the feelings of the other individual. When I went through this phase, I felt shame, guilt and some of my old defense mechanisms came up where I wanted to justify or defend the behaviour. It took a lot of work to resist these automatic responses in favor of a more healthy approach.
It is extremely difficult to hear what the other is saying and admit to myself that what I did hurt them, scared them or harmed them in some way. Sitting there and nodding my head yes and acknowledging what I did is painful as I worked hard to empathize with the other individual and admit that I hurt somebody deeply. Here is the kicker, I don’t get to define their pain or suffering. That is theirs to share and for me to hear and acknowledge. Politicians and many chronic abusers struggle with this point the most.
Now I’m confronted with my own shame and guilt as I acknowledge the consequences of my own actions and behaviours. This actually helps me to connect the consequences of my own actions to the behaviours that I’m working on changing and healing. Now I must do more healing as I have the energy of that shame and guilt to work through. If I don’t do this work, then that energy get stuck and my healing stops. It is this next phase that helps solidify the lessons and puts in place the healing, protocols and boundaries that helps ensure the abuse ends.
Healing and Integration
This can be done within the same healing circle or it could be done afterwards. Shame and guilt are tough feelings to process and I’ve found that working through them required the establishment of boundaries and protocols to not only protect myself, but most importantly, to protect others. These boundaries are self limiting protocols to help ensure that I trigger myself should I ever engage in behaviours that have caused harm to others in the past. That helps me to move forward. However, I still have to resolve the past and the only way I’ve found to do that is to forgive myself.
This can me most challenging as these memories can haunt somebody for a life time. Even if others have not forgiven me, it is important that I do. The struggle is that I don’t lie to myself and use justification as a means to trick myself into thinking that I forgave myself. There is no justification to doing harm to another sacred being. True forgiveness must come from a genuine acknowledgement of the harm, establishment of protocols to ensure it does not happen again and a burning desire to hold one accountable to those protocols. When we do that, we can then let go of the guilt and shame so that we can move forward with the confidence that we have done everything we can to love ourselves and others. Letting go of that burden is our reward for doing the work to heal and establish healthy boundaries.
Vigilance and Persistence
This level of change is rare, extremely difficult, but indeed possible. I’ve heard from many people how it is impossible for violent abusers to change. I refuse to believe that and I pray that my work is proof that it is possible. However, this was of my own doing. Nobody did this for me. Nobody can change me, except myself. So all of you out there wanting to help heal people and change them, I question your motives.
What we can do though is hold space for people who have surrendered and are able AND willing to do this work. We can confront people and hold them accountable to their violent behaviour, whether it is a spouse, friend or somebody working for the state. Violence is violence and it comes in many forms, most of it legalized and justified, despite it violating spiritual law and the highest of moral and ethical standards.
When we get through this work, it becomes a life long journey of vigilance and persistence to ensure that any future trauma does not result in old behaviours resurfacing. It requires that the reformed abuser be forever vigilant and engage in constant checking in with self to make sure we are taking a healthy approach to our relationships. That is why boundaries are so critical as it is our tool for evaluating ourselves. Our boundaries are the framework and bedrock of our moral and ethical standards that we must hold ourselves to if we are going to hold the space and charge of a healthy relationship.
Others may justify having more fluid and dynamic boundaries, but for the reformed abuser, the risk is too great as it is far too dangerous for us to slip back into those old behaviours. When we do, we must be consciously aware of these events and have the faith and persistence to recognize when we slip up, engage the proper protocols to remedy the situation and restore ourselves into good standing with our self and others.
Rebuilding the Trust
The biggest mistake people make is that ONLY when we have gone through this whole process, made a few mistakes and quickly remedied the situation do the reformed abuser have an opportunity to rebuild the trust that was destroyed as a result of the original abusive relationship.
Trust is gained by walking the path and demonstrating good faith, skill, ability and healthy boundaries over a period of years! Most unreformed abusers can fake it for weeks or even months, but this cannot be faked over years. Our true colors come shining out after longer periods of time and for people who trust easily, this can often lead to the illusion that the abuser is reformed when in fact the work has not been done at all. But when the reformed abuser can demonstrate over long periods of time that they can hold the charge of what a healthy relationship is all about, then true trust can be reestablished and true reconciliation can take place.
For me, this required months and months of talking every day, hours each day, just to work through the past and heal the trauma. It also required over two years of walking the path to prove that I have indeed changed. I will share more about this in my next book, but I felt moved to express this for those who are currently struggling with these types of issues.
It does not matter if this is between a husband and wife, between an individual and the state or an individual and a corporation. War is war. Violence is violence. It does not matter if it is legal or not. When we finally admit to ourselves that the very institutions we have created are done out of violence and not peace, then we are only fooling ourselves and preventing profound healing from taking place.
But when we can finally admit that our actions and behaviours are abusive and hold the space to hear from others on the other end of it all, then we can truly start the healing journey.
Apologies mean very little along this journey. An apology is far too easy as it does not require any work or change in behaviour. A true apology will only be believed and trusted when the abuser goes through this journey.
Actions speak louder than words. It is time to confront the abusers and for anybody willing to do this work, I am more than willing to hold space to help. However, the journey is not easy and I will not tolerate abusive behaviour, denial or any excuses.
This school is for peace and that is how we can accomplish peace. When we find the integrity to honour our victims and can publicly hold space for their own expression and healing, then we have paid homage to them and found our way towards reconciliation, healing and integrity.
Homage: Special honour and respect shown publicly.
#PacemArts
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Due to the decolonization efforts of White Walking Feather, automated commerce is not possible. However, through the support of a friend, funds can currently be received through manual e-transfer by sending your payment to
white.walking.feather@gmail.com
Risks involved: This function may go away if the state or bank changes their policy or implements the mark.
Due to decolonization efforts of White Walking Feather, it is not possible to use the automated business commerce functions of PayPal. As a result, we are limited to personal gifts sent through PayPal, send to
white.walking.feather@gmail.com
Risks: The potential for PayPal to lock the account is present due to continued changes in financial and government regulations as a result of the globalization efforts and roll out of the mark and social credit scoring systems.
In an effort to decolonize our relationship with money, we are exploring alternatives like decentralized and distributed cryptocurrencies. We currently accept Bitcoin (address below), Steem (@wwf) and Hive (@wwf). As interest increases, we will welcome other decentralized and distributed crypto’s as well.
Risks: Central banks are getting into the Crypto game and we refuse to participate in their solutions. This arena is technical and complex, so there are barriers. Also requires government ID to create accounts on exchanges to convert fiat currency to crypto.
Precious Metals have been used as a currency for thousands of years. Most people comprehend the intrinsic value. The challenge is shipping metal which has additional costs. Regardless, this is an option and any gold or silver can be sent to:
White Walking Feather In Care Of PO Box 384 Larder lake, ON P0K 1L0
Risks: There is the potential that the postal service will lose the parcel. Availability of precious metals is also low due to recent events.
Here is a list of resources where you can purchase and trade precious metals: Kitco Metals (includes directory of local dealers accross Canada)
Silver Gold Bull Apmex Sprott Money
Precious metals are traded around the clock on international markets. The price you pay for physical metals at a commercial dealer will be based on this price but will include a premium which allows dealers to make a living and will often be reflective of the availability of the product you are requesting.
Here are charts of the spot prices of Silver and Gold.
For many people, physical cash is the only way to go. The challenge of running a website accessible by people all around the world is the physical transportation. Snail mail is still a valid option and cash payments (CDN or USD) can be sent to:
White Walking Feather In Care Of PO Box 384 Larder lake, ON P0K 1L0
Risks: There is the potential that the postal service will lose the parcel. Availability of cash will also disappear when banking institutions move to a cashless society. This option may not be viable for much longer.
There still remains some anonymous methods through gift cards and pre-paid credit cards. Gift cards that are currently acceptable is: Peavey Mart, Canadian Tire, Home Hardware, Rona, Independent grocery store (President Choice). Pre-paid credit cards are also accepted. We are currently looking into a pre-paid card that can be loaded from anywhere. Until then, gift and credit cards (CDN) can be sent to:
White Walking Feather In Care Of PO Box 384 Larder lake, ON P0K 1L0
Risks: There is the potential that the postal service will lose the parcel. Vendors may lock out the cards without notice. Difficult to support local vendors using gift cards issued by large corporations.
Barter is an ancient tribal custom that has been around for thousands of years. The challenge with barter is it requires more effort to facilitate the exchange and the things one individual has, may not be what the other needs. Please write to white.walking.feather@gmail.com for an updated list of needs that you can choose from. We can then make arrangements to complete the transaction.
Risks: Takes time to complete the trade. Barter often deals with commodities which are hard to transport. Needs are shifting over time, so the list of needs is constantly changing.
Fiat Currency issued by Central Banks are a monopoly and we need competition. We are currently exploring www.community-exchange.org as one of many other alternatives that we can use to facilitate exchange with one another that provides alternative currencies that we can use. If you have other suggestions, we are open to exploring them as well.
Risks: Challenging for people to let go of their dependency on their idea of “money”. Currently there is a low participation rate with alternatives. Governments hate competition, so there is a risk that the alternatives will be attacked.
Training in the Pacem Arts can be challenging physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It is unlike most other training any of us has done before. As such, it require that each individual accept 100% responsibility and accountability for themselves when engaging in this training. Violence, whether covert or overt, will not be tolerated.
It is also important to know that I AM NOT a lawyer, accountant, financial advisor, therapist, psychiatrist, medical doctor, agent, employee, citizen, slave, serf, person or any other word descriptive of any title, profession or expert. I AM that I AM and I wave my right to be represented as a person or any of these terms defined by others or the state. Everything shared on this site is me sharing my own experiences with you. I encourage everyone to do their own research, apply critical thinking and that you make up your own mind. The Pacem Arts is all about accepting 100% responsibility and accountability for ones life and forgiving others should mistakes be made or a trespass has occurred. That starts here. Participating in the Pacem Arts requires that each individual acknowledge these boundaries and hold themselves and others to the highest standards of love, peace, freedom, prosperity, ethics and morality.
As in the martial arts, there are specific boundaries and protocols in place to ensure we don’t hurt one another. The knowledge obtained here, if used without spiritual guidance and awareness or emotional health and intellectual integrity, can cause harm to you or others. There is also risks involved as we challenge those who claim authority over us. They can be unpredictable, but with healthy work in the Pacem Arts, these risks can be significantly mitigated. This work requires physical, emotional, mental and spiritual balance, awareness, health and integrity. Anger, frustration, revenge, greed, lust for power, control or other colonial works of the flesh or violent behaviours have no place within the Pacem Arts. That sort of behaviour will not be tolerated and strict boundaries are in place to confront those who attempt to engage in those sort of behaviours.
About White Walking Feather
White Walking Feather (aka rob in the page family) is an individual whom dedicates his time towards writing books, blogging, teaching and facilitating healing circles while doing his best to live off grid and explore his relationship with Mother Earth. Some people have also called him a knowledge keeper and an elder.
For the first 30+ years of his life, he struggled with depression, addictions and multiple suicide attempts. Despite numerous visits to psychiatric wards in the hospital, it was not until he hit rock bottom that he decided to surrender and try a new approach to life. It is this surrender that helped him heal, learn new communication skills and completely change his approach at life.
These new skills turned his life around and he found success in his IT career, managing projects and dedicating himself to training in the art of Tae Kwon Do where he reached 3rd Dan Black belt and ran his own school for a couple years. As a result of his healing journey, he realized in 2005 that his relationship with the state and other corporate entities was not healthy as they were extremely abusive and violent. This started him down a spiritual path to reconnect with Creator and Mother Earth. In 2007 he moved off grid with his family where they build earthships, gardens, a greenhouse and took every measure they could to be free, independent and healthy.
On April 15, 2008 he declared peace and refused to provide service to the Queen and her lords that control her feudal empire. Since then, he has been invited to speak at public events, online radio shows and was featured in Ben Steward’s third film UNGRIP. He has written a book, released in 2015 and is currently in the middle of writing his second one. For years he has also shared his thoughts freely on social media and blogs. In late 2019 he decided to open up a school as he recognized there are no well rounded training methods to help people navigate the complex web of lies and deceit that surrounds modern social constructs. As a result, the Pacem Arts was created with the intent to utilize training methods learned through the Martial Arts but dedicated to the Pacem Arts instead.


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White Walking Feather lives in a self sufficient manner and requires very little money for his own needs, however, bringing you his journey and explorations at this crucial time in history requires technology which is made possible by your generosity.
