For nearly 20 years I’ve worked hard to walk a path of integrity. The previous 30+ years was wrote with covert violent behaviours, lying, addictions, depression, suicide attempts, numerous stays in hospital and other traumas that I fully disclosed and shared in my books, writings, etc.
The other thing that I shared was how hard I had to work to walk a path of peace in order to demonstrate that I am a changed man. I did that work because that is what is required in order to build trust, especially with people who have been victimized by violence and / or abuse. It took YEARS of work and walking the path in order to demonstrate that I have changed and that I’m not going to resort to my old violent ways.
Sometimes I make mistakes, but I work hard to remedy those mistakes!
It has come to my attention that my separation from my wife of 25 years may have irreparably tarnished my reputation and integrity to hold space for those wanting to learn the Pacem Arts, heal and decolonize. I’ve also been informed by my dear friends that I may not be explaining what happened properly and as such I’m being misunderstood.
In order for me to explain what happened, I must first explain my boundaries. Please permit me to use an example. Many alcoholics must refrain from drinking in order to help themselves heal from their addiction. Any temptation of alcohol around them is often painful, stressful and highly triggering. People who support the alcoholics will do what they can to avoid drinking around them in order to help them heal.
Being a reformed abuser, I’ve had to set boundaries to avoid abuse and violence, much in the same way alcoholics do with their addictions. I’ve worked hard to take a zero tolerance stance with abuse because I had to in order to maintain my own health and well being. Violence and abuse highly triggers me. I feel pain, anxiety and extreme discomfort when people engage in abusive behaviour. The problem I have is that most people engage in abusive behaviour.
Much like an ex-alcoholic, I’m sensitive and I work hard to find ways to heal and cope with the behaviours of others so that I don’t engage in those behaviours myself. I do that by confronting them and seeing if they are able and willing to heal so that they no longer engage in the violence. Most people are not. So I walk away, doing my best to remove myself from the violence.
I’ve gone to the point of even removing myself from the government and corporations as those relationships are abusive as well. This is NOT an easy path to walk, but I’ve gone to extreme lengths to walk this path as my health and well being is extremely important to me and my relationships with those who fully comprehend the scope of this work that I do.
Many people don’t comprehend and as such they rebuke me with accusations that I throw away relationships far too easily, without realizing that my boundaries are there to protect myself and others. I end relationships because I don’t want to be abusive or violent but also abused either. I take a zero tolerance approach as my own health and well being depends on it and so does the salvation of my spirit! My resolve to walk this path is most likely beyond the comprehension of most people, including my ex-wife.
This caused great conflict between my ex-wife and I. She asked me to compromise my firm boundaries in order to maintain some level of relationships with those that she valued. She felt caught in the middle between me and others as I often refused to have a relationship with them. This caused great stress and anxiety within her and our relationship. So much so, that we were unable to find a remedy. As a result, she asked me to leave.
I willfully left and left almost everything with her as my love for her is absolute and the last thing I wanted to do is cause her pain and suffering. If I compromised my own boundaries, I have no doubt that I would have resorted to further violence and started going down a path that I absolutely refused to go. I’ve been down that path and it is dark, ugly, painful and downright violent. The most peaceful solution was to remove myself from the situation. I also walked away from the land that I spent 14 years building and developing. I left it all to her because I built it for her and my sons.
I’ve worked hard to be fully transparent and blunt about my journey in life. I’m no guru and I make no claims to know it all or be an expert of any kind. I share my journey and my story in the hopes that I can influence others to chose a path of peace, healing and freedom. While my life may seem extreme, in many ways it is. What I do well is hold space for others to do the same. I work hard to build trust so that people can feel safe to be vulnerable and do their work to heal.
I’ve witnessed many miracles over the years and I know that I make a difference. However, I am not for everyone. I am blunt, open and unyielding when it comes to honour, integrity, peace, freedom, prosperity and love. I am equally unyielding when it comes to violence, coercion, greed, war, theft and other violent behaviours, whether done overtly or covertly.
I am no saint or angel either. If you are looking for a professional teacher or therapist with pieces of paper on the wall, then you are in the wrong place. I hold space within this school for people who are serious about peace, healing and freedom. We all have trauma to heal, including myself. The group here is more than willing to help hold space so that we can do that work.
Make no mistake, this is work. Much like the martial arts, we do things over and over again, using repetition to help us learn and heal. People come and go, depending on their needs. Sometimes class is empty, often times it is full. Healing, peace and freedom is the primary goal.
What I do know is that this work will manifest beautiful things that was never designed or intended. Much like the martial arts, after years of training, a spiritual enlightenment starts to manifest within the student. I have no doubt the same will occur within the Pacem Arts as well. What that looks like is completely up to each individual student.
I trust that Spirit will guide that process and as such, I focus on the mechanics of healing, peace and freedom. I trust Spirit will help guide us on the spiritual and tribal manifestations that we are all searching for within our lives. I’ve learned a lot through this process already, now that the school has been up and running for seven months. We are young yet, but for those willing to take that leap of faith, I have no doubt that we will get there. Where are we going? I have no idea, but I trust in Creator to guide us along the way. It is the journey that I’m interested in, not the destination.
If this does not resonate with you, then you are welcome to find others to walk your path with. I will not apologize for being me, having firm boundaries and doing what I need to do in order to maintain my own health and integrity.
