healing – White Walking Feather's School for the Pacem Arts

Upgrades to my Medicine Wheel

Posted on October 31, 2021 by White Walking Feather

I’ve struggled my whole life with feelings of abandonment, not feeling safe, anxiety, not feeling worthy and even feeling as an outsider. My life is riddled with trauma that had profound influences on how I saw myself and influenced my interactions with others. Through the help of a powerful medicine woman, I am going through a therapeutic protocol that bypasses the fictional and even the physical in order to heal all of that once and for all. This work takes me into the astral and even into the ethereal. I’ve spoken about how I felt that the next phase of healing must move into the spiritual realm and that the healing done here will manifest actual physical results. I can testify that this is a valid approach as I’ve witnessed some amazing results. Time will tell on how this all integrates into my life.

Meanwhile, we went through several exercises to help me ground this and it was done by using imagery that I can associate with, specifically my medicine wheel. So I want to share with you what my new medicine wheel looks like and why the upgrades were put in place. The healing journey is not complete, but the intent of this leg is to put to rest the patterns that have haunted me my whole life. Here is my medicine wheel, with upgrades!

I stand in the middle of my medicine wheel with my staff, in the integrity, power and authority of I AM. I AM sacred, so too is this space around me, so I upgrade my medicine wheel to help protect, nurture and express this sacredness.

I install a dome shield over my medicine wheel. It is energetic but also made of rubber. Any negative or hurtful comments or energy thrown at me bounces off and is accelerated instantly to the galactic core for transmutation and healing. When multiple attempts are made, they don’t even arrive. Only those with the energy that resonates or uplifts me is allowed to enter.

I then installed large horse shoe shaped magnets in each quadrant of the medicine wheel, pointed outwards. The magnets attract like energy to my medicine wheel, but also repel any energy that would do me harm or violate the sacredness of my medicine wheel or me, standing in the I AM. Anyone attracted to my medicine wheel will also have to pass through my dome shield, allowing resonating energy to pass but burning off, repelling or transmuting anything that does not resonate with this new sacred space that I created. I feel safe at all times within this medicine wheel. I am home here!

Within this space, I planted a garden. The seeds that I planted are: joy, peace, freedom, profound physical, emotional, mental and spiritual intimacy, love, contentment, safety and prosperity, with room for much more. My garden is like a jungle; colourful, vibrant, beautiful, heaven on earth. I reserve a special spot for ‘her’, a mighty throne built and tended with what grows in my garden. May she find comfort, safety and prosperity within my medicine wheel along with the will and ability to walk our paths together.

I laugh and laugh and laugh. I feel joy and contentment.

While this is a picture of a physical medicine wheel I built, what I shared above is centered in my heart and I carry it with me at all times. My medicine wheel transcends the fictional and even physical realms and is grounded in the Spiritual Realm which trumps anything physical or fictional.

Importance of Integrity

Posted on September 6, 2021 by White Walking Feather

Over the last few months I’ve been exploring the idea that there is a whole other level that we can explore within all our relationships. I’ve know for a while that intimacy within relationships is complex as it comes in many forms and degrees. We are bombarded with images and brainwashing techniques from marketing firms that sex equates to intimacy. While sex is one form of intimacy, it is not the only one as there are many others that got ignored or even buried during the colonization process.

To decolonize ourselves, I’m finding that it is critical that we dig up these other forms of intimacy and bring balance to them. From a high and basic level, there are four forms of intimacy which covers the four bodies; physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. Each of these have different levels or degrees of intimacy depending on the closeness of ones relationship with another.

Physical Intimacy is one that most of us can relate to as it is the one that has received the majority of our time and focus over the years. It is also the most corrupted as lust, rape, slavery and other behaviours desecrated the spirit of healthy physical intimacy. While most people would relate this to sex, I think we should start on the other end: touch!

When we were first born, touch becomes a critical need that we have in order to feel connected, loved, nourished and fulfilled. However, social pressures and other traumas often result in a lack of touch and physical intimacy needs not being met. I can testify to this one personally. We are, after all, social beings and touch is a powerful social act to express intimacy between two or more people. With complete strangers a hand shake may be all that is required. For acquaintances a simple hug may accomplish an acceptable and nourishing level of intimacy. Good friends may extend that hug to 20-30 seconds, rub shoulders, feet or engage in grooming activities. Really good friends and family often explore intimacy at the level of kissing while lovers move deeper into the physical intimacy with petting, massage, nakedness, physical vulnerability and sex.

One of the most common errors comes when we ignore the other forms of intimacy and depend on just physical intimacy to define our relationships. Men often struggle in this area as we have been brainwashed through social conditioning, media, porn and other forms to think that this is intimacy. If this is how we define intimacy then we are missing out on a whole new world and that would also explain why people struggle with relationships. To remedy this, it is important that we identify and work on the other forms of intimacy and bring balance to this whole aspect of relationships.

Emotional Intimacy can be a challenge, especially when trauma, shame, guilt and other manipulations are used to intimidate or condition people to avoid or ignore feelings. Emotional Intimacy can be explored when each individual takes a leap of faith and becomes vulnerable enough to share their feelings, shadows and struggles in life. It is more than that, but due to colonization, violence, trauma and other social or environmental conditions, this is typically a good place to start. By doing the shadow work, each individual can find a place where the shadows no longer trigger violent or abusive responses, but instead manifests healthy self exploration, questions and healthy space to further the work. This also involves different levels of intimacy in that total strangers can share a little bit of vulnerability to remain safe while still sharing and building connect. Friends or tribe members may share far more deeply so that they can hold space for one another to work through painful memories or experiences. Lovers have the ability to take this to the next level as the amount of trust and vulnerability to have deep intimate relationships is built through progressively showing vulnerability on deeper and deeper levels. When we get to a point where we feel safe to be completely vulnerable, no matter the topic or scenario, we find a profound level of emotional intimacy. What I’ve learned is that deep emotional intimacy can be reached between men and women without sex. Guys, this is the area that the majority of the ladies use to explore and evaluate health and trust in their relationships. Learning this has changed my life!

In the last few months I’ve started to realize that there are two others that are often ignored. Mental intimacy comes when we meet people who are able and willing to be vulnerable in the exploration of ideas. While the intellect has been high jacked by formalized learning institutions like universities, social media and other tools have opened up this area so that we can all participate. The problem is that false ego often gets in the way to sabotage the exchange. When we do the work to heal our shadows, we can then start to be vulnerable when challenging the ideas that we embrace in our lives. As Steven Covey said, we often spend time formulating a response to the other individual rather than actually listening to what they are saying. The act of critical thinking and active listening takes a lot of hard work and a level of vulnerability in order to reflect upon and contemplate ideas being shared by others. This too has multiple levels depending on how close or intimate the relationship is between those having these discussions.

The one area I found to be woefully neglected is spiritual intimacy. Organized religion has actively preempted this area and did so on purpose. The last thing the powerful oligarchs want is people being spiritually active and intimate with one another and with Mother Earth. Through my exploration of restoring my ancestral tribes and my relationship with Creator, I’ve found spiritual intimacy to be a core component. This is where I’m finding ceremony, meditation, prayer and other modalities to be powerful tools to help me build a level of intimacy with others but also with my environment, Mother Earth and Creator directly. It is very difficult to have a profound intimate relationship when third parties are providing commentary and responsible for the interpretation of spirit. This ends up being a profoundly personal and intimate aspect of relationships as acknowledging that everything is spirit makes our very actions and behaviours critical to ensure the ripples of thought, action and inaction moves forward gently and without harm.

This requires a profound level of consciousness in order to navigate these levels of intimacy. I’ve also realized that holding space in sacred heart circles can provide an amazing level of intimacy and healing, but it requires an intimate partner to move deeper into the healing. The goal is to heal and be vulnerable to the point where profound intimacy is obtained without shadows or triggers sabotaging the experience. Imagine being with someone and exploring physical, emotional, mental and spiritual intimacy all at the same time or within a span of a few hours or even within the full expression of the relationship through the years?

This is where integrity comes in. One big lesson I learned last night is that this requires a profound level of integrity in order to reach this level of intimacy and healing. Integrity requires a strong moral and ethical foundation to build trust strong enough for both masculine and feminine to completely surrender to the experience. How can either of them do that if they are distracted by multiple intimate relationships, engaged in violent behaviours, whether covert or overtly done, whether consciously or unconsciously expressed? When two people do their work, clean up their lives and walk a path of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual integrity, I believe we will start to tap into a level of intimacy that would transform and meld the two energies into one. When divine masculine and divine feminine have the integrity to reach this level of intimacy, the energy between the two start to flow stronger and stronger. That is when magic starts to happen and I am also wondering if that is when the Christ Consciousness starts to manifest here on Earth. I wonder if that is how we can start creating Heaven on Earth and is why spirit kept telling me that I cannot do this by myself. It is time that the masculine and feminine heal and step into a level of integrity and vulnerability so that they can navigate the changes that would come when this transformation event manifests. I wonder if that is what the powers that be are trying to ensure does not happen.

Either way, this is where I’m headed and am profoundly interested in exploring. As I work through these ideas, I’m finding new and better ways of explaining it so that the ideas can be shared with others. With integrity, we can step forward into this new world. The wonderful thing about it, is that the integrity is what may actually trigger the flow of energy and manifestation. We don’t need others or ourselves to pass judgment upon us, it is a vibration that is obtained by working on our healing so that we can hold the charge of integrity. When masculine and feminine obtain that level of integrity, magic will happen and it will exceed that which Christ himself was able to demonstrate. This is what I want in my life and that means it is completely up to me to walk my path with a Christ level of Consciousness but also a Christ level of integrity!

The Healing Dance between Masculine and Feminine

Posted on August 22, 2021 by White Walking Feather

I’ve been contemplating a lot about intimacy and the relationship between the masculine and feminine energies. Recently the men gathered together and we created a simple little ceremony to welcome the women during the last new moon ceremony. What I witnessed was beautiful, powerful and amazing. The ladies became animated, beaming and their movements turned fluid. It had a profound impact on the relationship between the men and women.

I’ve been exploring what intimacy actually is, but this experience has taken me on a whole new level of reflection. A few years ago I discovered that there is a big difference between emotional and physical intimacy. For most of my life I associated both as being one and the same. The problem is that when a woman was looking for emotional intimacy, I struggled because I associated that to sex and that caused all kinds of problems for me. I’m grateful that I was able to overcome that glaring oversight as I now realize that there is a profound difference between the two.

What I see now is that there are multiple kinds of intimacy with a wide range of levels. If we visit the medicine wheel, we are reminded of our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual bodies. When speaking of physical intimacy, most people turn to sex, kisses or hugs. What I want to propose is that this goes far beyond these simple constructs. If we acknowledge that each body has a form of intimacy, then that compels a deeper examination of each and the interaction between them from all those different levels. The first step is to acknowledge that there are, in fact, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual intimacy needs that need to be met within each of us. Those types of intimacy are very different from one another, yet interact in amazing ways. Physical intimacy starts from birth and involves being held, touched and coddled. This need is equal or even grater than actual sustenance for the baby and this carries forward to be true for our entire lives. Emotional intimacy is something that develops over time as it require our ability to be vulnerable and share feelings with others. Trauma often makes the development of this level of intimacy difficult, but when healed, it can be profound. Mental intimacy is another that needs to be developed and involves the sharing of ideas, brainstorming and other synergistic exercises that foster cooperation and collaboration, equating to mental intimacy. Spiritual intimacy is when we start to explore our own spirituality and find common ground with others and share that level of intimacy in our ceremonies, prayers and beliefs.

The interaction of these different types of intimacy makes for a complex web to explore in all our relationships. It is this depth and diversity that makes life interesting to explore. It is also a core part of the decolonization process as it changes the very foundations of how we interact with one another.

When exploring my relationships, I acknowledge that the level of intimacy changes how vulnerable I will be and there are specific boundaries associated with each. For example, my interaction with a lover is very different than with a tribe member, friend, acquaintance or a stranger. Each one of these can provide a form of intimacy, but there are limits on each depending on trust and ability to reciprocate intimacy in a healthy way.

I may hug a stranger, but I’m not going to kiss them or have sex. A hug with a stranger is also very different than a hug from a friend or a lover. Intimacy needs require engaging in relationships with other individuals. I currently don’t know of any way to have intimacy needs met in isolation. After all, we are social beings and that requires that our needs be met by others in our circles AND that we meet the needs of others within those circles as well.

Finding a way to balance all of these intimacy needs could go a long way towards healing as well. Healing ourselves so that we don’t engage in violent behaviours must be a journey done within. People can hold space for the healing, but it is far too abusive to do this work while in intimate relationships. However, the healing journey stalls when we do that original shadow work as the next phase requires intimate relationships to finish that process.

It is in this light that I explore the dance between the masculine and feminine. Masculine energy is an energy that flows in and out. Feminine energy flows between being open and close. The interesting dynamic is that Masculine energy is also responsible for holding the container as feminine energy is very fluid. These energies can exist within a single individual, but also be a beautiful dynamic between two people.

When the masculine energy does his work properly, he establishes the safe container for the divine feminine. Much like what we did during the camp last week. The result is automatic within a healthy feminine. She feels safe to then express her feminine energy which then starts to be fluid and flow within the contain. She opens up like a flower to express her full beauty and feminine energy. The masculine energy must honour this process and her sovereignty. If everything is done in a healthy and respectful way, she will invite him ‘in’. With consent, he can then penetrate the feminine energy and make a profoundly intimate connection where the two energies begin to flow through each other and create absolute magic. While there are physical sexual references here, this also involves the other forms of intimacy too on an emotional, mental and spiritual level.

For intimate partners, I suspect that the goal is to find a balance between all four levels of intimacy. If the masculine can create a container for all four and feminine feels safe, then all four levels of intimacy are involved and profound healing can take place for both of them. For tribe members and friends, there may be limits to the level of intimacy, but the goal is similar. Sex and kissing may be off limits, but hugs, sacred circles and ceremonies are still a foundational goal for building trusting and deeply intimate relationships within a tribe.

For a stranger we may feel comfortable hugging them, having intellectual conversations about politics, economics, social issues, etc. For a friend or tribe member, the level of intimacy may involve being vulnerable by sharing feelings, fears and shadows while also covering deeper intellectual topics, performing ceremonies and hugging or dancing.

But for an intimate couple, the goal is to be ‘all in’ on all levels. The couple can engage on all those other levels, but their dance is very different. Instead of hugging for 10 seconds or dancing for a few minutes, their relationship becomes very intimate, to the point of melding the two energies together. They may start out in ceremony as their beliefs are common between the two. They agree on many of the same principles that govern how they live their lives. They have found a way to be vulnerable with one another in regards to how they are feeling and the traumas that they are working on healing. When all three of these intimacy needs have been met, the physical intimacy transforms. Their dance is no longer just a dance, but a way of making love to one another, exploring each other’s bodies through movement and music. As they learn how to move together, caress and kiss, the level of intimacy increases beyond acquaintance, beyond friendship. Making love to one another can take hours and is not just a physical act of sex. It requires profound intimacy on all four levels to start engaging in healing energies that help both! The dance may move from the dance floor to the bed, but it goes beyond anything I’ve ever contemplated or heard discussed by others.

I’ve yearned for a partner to explore this level of healing and interaction. I feel I’m ready to hold the container for divine feminine in this way. I’m sure we will both make mistakes along the way, but that is the beautiful part of this journey. It is in the attempt that also brings intimacy, trust and excitement to the relationship between masculine and feminine. It will help both heal the intimacy traumas of the past, but also the multi-generational traumas that resulted due to colonization and a lack of conscious awareness.

It is time for the masculine to start creating containers for the feminine, so that they can both explore a level of healing that goes beyond what any Sacred Heart Circle can do. This is something that we cannot do by ourselves. We need to reconcile our relationships between the two as this must be done together. Time to put away the hierarchy and join together in profound partnership and intimacy balanced between all four aspects of our being. I am open to discussion on these ideas. What do you think and feel about what I’ve shared here?

Choosing a Path – Part 8

Posted on July 24, 2021 by White Walking Feather

Our tribe held a full moon ceremony and some significant feelings where shared in that circle. Normally I don’t share what happens in circles, but I asked my dear sister Tammy if she would consent to me sharing what she said. She gave me consent, so I share with you now as what she said is profound and extremely important.

Tammy acknowledged with the tribe that the divine masculine is healing and making profound strides in that journey. She followed up with the statement that she no longer feels afraid. She knows that no matter what happens, she will be provided for and protected.

To hear divine feminine express feelings like this is significant and a testimony to the work that we are doing here with this tribe. A lot of work has been done over the past three months, but I’m confident in suggesting that the tipping point happened when she shared with me that she was going to spend $600 on wood. I immediately thought that it was craziness to do that considering that we live in the middle of the bush. So I read the need that she had and went into the bush and started hauling out fire wood for her. I’m not done, but spending a day doing that meant the WORLD to her, so much so, that she was moved to share her feelings in circle. That in turn was a huge confirmation that I’m doing the right things, holding powerful masculine energy within this space and bridging the gap between masculine and feminine in a healthy way. That was acknowledged by her testimony regarding the healing of the masculine.

I’m confident in suggesting that this would never have happened if we did not engage in purposeful ceremony with specific intent: healing relationships. I’ve been reflecting on why ceremony is so important and I’m starting to realize now the significance of it. Life is busy and when we focus on objectives like building homes, tending gardens, harvesting, etc, we get so caught up in the work that we forget about or get distracted away from what matters most: relationships.

Holding ceremony on a regular basis ensures that we stop everything and submerse ourselves in deep, profound and intimate ceremony to work on our relationships with self, each other, Mother Earth, Creator and all of creation. It is too easy to suggest that the day to day work is more important and to suggest that we will have time later to work on relationships. This is not true. The work done in ceremony is, by far, the most important work we have. Ceremony is sacred work to help us heal, maintain balance, remind us of what is important and sacred in life. It provides everyone with an opportunity to heal and hold space for others to do the same. To honour spirit in such a way brings profound meaning and intent to life here on Mother Earth.

When working with a tribe, it is absolutely critical that ceremony be a central protocol for all involved. Those that don’t embrace the spirit of ceremony and the opportunities presented within those circles will have the most difficult time with the tribe. While tribe work involves supporting and encouraging each member to be as independent as possible, those that take advantage of the tribe will be confronted as it violates the spirit of the tribe as well as divine masculine and feminine energies. The safety net of the tribe comes when we provide support to develop and maintain the independence of ourselves and the other members of the tribe. Tribes are able to support the youth and elders, but not those able to support themselves.

Ceremony helps tribes work through these challenges and decolonize our way of thinking in the process. The colonial way is to pay into a pot and people can then draw from the pot (insurance / limited liability). This results in people living with limited liability, not being 100% responsible for the choices or actions that take in life. Dependency is encourage which then dis-empowers people and forms co-dependent relationships. However, in tribe, we live with full liability, where everyone must accept 100% responsibility and accountability for their life. Independence is encouraged so that inter-independent relationships can be formed. If somebody is dependent, the tribe works to restore independence as quickly as possible. This is our nature. This is the way we are supposed to live.

Ceremony is used to remind us of these truths and provide protocols to support and encourage this way of life. It is not easy and requires hard work, but the rewards are profound. Riches are found the the profoundly intimate relationships that are forged as a result. Intimate relationships on a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual level. This is where true security comes from. What the state and corporations provide is a benefit; there is NO security there. When people gather together within the constructs of our nature and use ceremony and tribal protocols to work and live together, that is when we find security. That is NOT accomplished until divine feminine says that she feels safe and secure.

Divine masculine has a LOT of work to do in order to heal and build that kind of safe container. I know that I’m on the right track because divine feminine is saying she is no longer afraid. She knows her needs are being looked after. Masculine does not have a say in whether his work is good enough or not. Divine feminine has that say and it is best we start to listen to her. Divine feminine is standing up all over the world, screaming at the top of her lungs. It is best that we start listening to her. We do that by entering into sacred ceremonies, doing the work, changing how we live and address these issues at the root. Trauma is that root cause and it is best we heal that trauma so that we can remedy the issues that is confronting us and will destroy us if we don’t get to work soon. Those that refuse to do the work will find themselves facing tough love as unconscious violent colonial ways are not welcome within the tribe. Those that have the WILL and ABILITY to do this shadow work are welcome, but boundaries are firm for those that engage in violence within the tribe. These behaviours threaten the tribe and will be confronted. Creator and Mother Earth are both putting us all through a case of tough love right now. These lessons may feel harsh as death, disease, famine, starvation and other challenges are presenting at this moment. The learning and healing curve is great, but so too are the rewards.

In two weeks we will host the UNGRIP Boot Camp here with this tribe. Ceremony will be a big part of the time spent here. We only have two spots left open for those that want to experience what I speak about in these blog posts. If you want to attend, please let me know quickly as I anticipate these two spots will be filled soon.

Colonization History & Love

Posted on January 10, 2021 by White Walking Feather

Batchelor, Lawrence R., 1887-1961., Public domain

Tonight we reviewed the 2000+ year history of colonization in Europe and it’s migration to Turtle Island, along with some key moments that had a huge impact on the whole process. While we were discussing law forms between these fictional constructs, we got onto the Law of Love and that ended the class in a beautiful way. I hope you enjoy the class. Homework for class next week, so make sure you check out the beginning and end of the class for the assignment.

Recorded January 10, 2021

Lessons from Nov 14, 2020 Land Ceremony

Posted on November 14, 2020 by White Walking Feather

Yesterday I was in ceremony and went to introduce myself to the land. That experience went far beyond what I had expected and there were many things that happened. I wrote a post about some of it yesterday and tonight we discussed it further and far deeper than words could express. This was an emotional class for me and I pray it helps others who want to walk this path. I’ve not shared my process with people before. Usually I keep it to myself until I figure stuff out, then share my experiences. I’m not doing that this time. People who attend this school are witnessing my journey, process, trials and tribulations as I explore these principles of freedom, peace and healthy relationships. I have no idea where this is taking me and you are all along the ride with me. <3 Peace and love to you all.

Recorded November 15, 2020

Boundaries

Posted on November 1, 2020 by White Walking Feather

photo by Djuradj Vujcic, CC BY 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons

In this class we discuss how our lack of awareness has gotten us into relationships that are abusive and the type of knowledge that is required to be able to set healthy boundaries. Protocols for establishing those boundaries was also covered as well as the moral and ethical foundations for doing that work. I hope you enjoy the recording. If you have feedback, thoughts or comments, feel free to share them here.

Recorded November 1, 2020

Connecting to Spirit & Tribe

Posted on October 25, 2020 by White Walking Feather

We had a beautiful discussion tonight about how each of us connect to spirit and it moved into the intricacy of tribe as well. Towards the end of the class a stunning turn of events happened that demonstrated how powerful spirit really is and how fitting it happened during a conversation about this very topic. Add this as another chapter to the book called: You cannot make this shit up.

Spirit orchestrates our lives when we surrender to it peacefully. I am grateful to spirit to help show how beautiful, surprising and powerful it can be when we allow it to unfold and have the eyes to see and the ears to hear! Thank you to everyone involved in this call. I love you all.

Recorded October 25, 2020

The Perilous Navigation of Covert Violence

Posted on July 4, 2020 by White Walking Feather

It happens in the bedroom, family room, board room, court room, social media walls, wall street, on the streets and even in parliament. Covert violence is everywhere and most times the abuser is not even consciously aware that they are being violent. The abused usually don’t figure it out for years, but when they do it takes many years and attempts to escape.

The sad reality of this violent cycle is that the abusers have been abused themselves. When we are confronted with violence, stress or other dangers, the typical response is usually to fight, flight, freeze or fawn. While some people will try to run away or end up freezing in their tracks, it is the fighters and those who flip sides to become an allies of their abusers that in turn end up being abusers and continuing the cycle. The problem as I see it, is that even those that run away or freeze will eventually turn to fight or fawn if the violence continues for a long period of time.

My natural tendency is towards flight. I worked hard throughout my childhood to avoid confrontation, violence or anything that I felt is a danger to me. Yet I still ended up being an abuser, overcome with shame, guilt, frustration, pain, anxiety, loneliness, depression, addictions and even suicide attempts. No matter what people did to intervene, there was no way I was going to hear what they were saying. I was convinced that people out there was the issue, not me. No amount of intervention was going to change my mind.

I had to hit rock bottom and face the ultimate choice before I was ready to surrender and really start to listen to what others were saying. What was that choice? Change or die.

I write about this at length in my book and in my posts. Today I want to outline what covert violence looks like and how it feels as it seems to still penetrate every aspect of our lives. Until we start to confront these behaviours, we will continue to struggle in our efforts to find peace in our lives. This is not a comprehensive list, but I hope that it helps bring awareness so that when we set our boundaries, we can include these behaviours in our protocols for self governance and healthy relationships.

Laughing

Laughter is a healthy expression when we are having fun and confronted with something that is funny. However, laughter is also a covert violent approach to mock people and attempt to dismiss how others feel or view scenarios. Abusers will use this behaviour to intimidate people to back down from their confrontation or position. It is used to belittle or rebuke others, raising themselves in status while lowering others at the same time. When in a serious conversation and somebody starts laughing at others, this can often be a covert violent attempt act against others.

The Laundry List

In a healthy relationship, people would discuss an issue and work through it prior to moving onto another issue. Within that relationship, they may also wait several days to make sure that everyone has processed it properly before moving on. However, some people like to bring up multiple issues and continue to bring up issues in order to overwhelm the others and control the conversation. This technique allows the abuser to feel superior or justified in their position as a list of evidence to overwhelm the guilty is presented. This approach is not about healing but about judgement and guilt, a covert violent technique to shut down the other individual and win an argument through overwhelming his / her opponent.

Speed talking

This is a technique that is often used with the laundry list, where the abuser talks quickly and non-stop in order to overwhelm his / her victim and make sure there is no time or space for others to respond or confront them on their behaviour. Speed talking is also an intellectual technique that can suppress others by presenting so much information that it confuses the conversation as there is too much information to consciously keep in ones mind, let along discuss in a healthy way. The confusion is magnified as the topics start to blur into one another and any response is met with more information to drown any comments or views by other people.

Assumptions

Abusers will often make assumptions and then sabotage any attempt by others to clarify the situation. If successful, their assumption then stands as fact, making their position correct and everyone else wrong. This is an attempt to make people feel stupid or wrong, even though it is done through manipulation or dismissal of what other people know, think or feel. This allows the abuser to then label others, often using labels that carry social stigma in order to control, shame or guilt others to support their position and join in on suppressing those who are being attacked by the abuser.

Being the victim

If the abuser feels like he / she is not winning, they will then start to pout or act out in other ways to manipulate others into treating them like a victim. This is a tricky and dangerous behaviour as depression, treats of suicide and other manipulations are often used to get people to pay attention or take action. If people don’t, then they may lash out violently by screaming, yelling, name calling or other manipulations to force compliance and look after them. This is an approach that I often took during the 20+ years I was struggling in my life. It is a dangerous approach as I was a victim too, but because I was not consciously aware, I worked on people’s empathy to manipulate them. I was not interested in healing or confronting my own shit, but instead I used it to gain favor, attention and affection.

Gaslighting

Through psychological manipulations, abusers attempt to overwhelm their victims to the point where they start to question their own sanity. Highly intelligent abusers will use their intellect to make others feel stupid and surrender to their mastery and superiority. This site has a good list of what the 11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting are all about. Being consciously aware of these signs can be very helpful when recognizing covert violence, especially in sacred spaces where this type of behaviour must not be permitted.

No Win scenario

The abuser must win at all costs and he / she is willing to say or do anything to ensure of that win. To them, this is a win / lose situation and any loss would devastate their position and result in a loss of power or standing within the relationship. As such, they are prepared to lie, beg, yell, intimidate or act out in any way possible to win! Even a condescending tone of voice or look on his / her face is enough to intimidate others to back off and let them win. This puts everyone in a no win scenario and completely blocks the group or couple from healing, being real and feeling acknowledged, loved and supported.

Sacred Space works very differently

While I recognize that abusers need healing too, I also must acknowledge that the healing cannot take place until they have surrendered and dedicate their lives towards self healing, improvement, forgiveness and making significant changes in how they behave, think and express themselves. This is currently rare, but it does happen and this school will hold space for those that have done the surrender and are getting to work.

However, sacred space must be safe for people to do this work and if an individual resorts to these type of violent behaviours, whether overt or covert, they will be removed from the circle. Boundaries are a core and fundamental tool that must be used when dealing with violent people. It does not matter whether it is government, corporations, co-workers, family, friends or lovers. Boundaries are key and within the Sacred Heart Circle, we learn about what those boundaries look like, help people explore their boundaries, set them up and support them in their efforts to be safe and secure.

Within this space, we use a specific protocol as most of us use covert violence due to modern social constructs making this type of behaviour not only acceptable but encouraged. As such, we slow down the conversation within the circle. The heart works very differently than the brain and if things are going fast, chances are good that the brain is working to express itself rather than working hard to connect with the heart and express what it is feeling. This is, by far, the most difficult step for abuser or victim to take in their healing journey.

We accomplish this by asking pointed yet gentle questions to help the individual explore their heart, behaviours, words, assumptions, etc so that they can find their heart space, connect to it and start the healing journey towards self love, forgiveness, freedom and feeling supported along the way. It is critical that we give the individual time to explore those questions, so there is often silence as exercises like this is so new and foreign to most people. When conversations go fast, it bypasses the heart and we want to avoid that within this space. By asking questions, we also don’t make assumptions or invoke other manipulations to force people through this process.

We also encourage personal sharing, where people share their story and by being vulnerable, we can start to relate to one another in emotionally intimate ways. This too is a skill development that helps us to connect with self rather than lashing out at others in anger, contempt or violence. The main goal is to have a safe space so that people feel safe to lower their armour so that they can connect to their heart. This is a slow, methodical, deliberate and focused approach to healing, boundaries, love, forgiveness and acceptance.

While tribe building was an unforeseen manifestation of this process, it is not the focus or intent of this school. This school is focused on personal healing so that the individual can find peace within themselves so that they can then express that outwards in their lives. How that expression manifests is up to them. Some people may use it to build tribe, while others work hard to unwind themselves from other abusive relationships like the state, corporations, society, etc. We cannot do this work until we are consciously aware of what violence looks like and feels like. When we experience it, we can then consciously address it in a healthier way, rather than getting dragged into the web of the abuser. Often, that requires setting and implementing boundaries.

Within this school, if the individual is not able or willing to surrender and do the work in a peaceful way, the boundary will be implemented and they will be removed. New protocols have been setup to help with the boundaries as well.

While I acknowledge that everyone has value and valid points, that will not trump this boundary and give them a free ticket to abuse people just because they have something we need or want. That is not a good reason to abandon a boundary and is often used by abusers as they work hard to infiltrate groups. I hope this helps bring some conscious awareness to the group and set the boundaries for moving forward.

May Creator bless us all with peace in our hearts and our relationships.

A Matter of Integrity

Posted on June 13, 2020 by White Walking Feather

For nearly 20 years I’ve worked hard to walk a path of integrity. The previous 30+ years was wrote with covert violent behaviours, lying, addictions, depression, suicide attempts, numerous stays in hospital and other traumas that I fully disclosed and shared in my books, writings, etc.

The other thing that I shared was how hard I had to work to walk a path of peace in order to demonstrate that I am a changed man. I did that work because that is what is required in order to build trust, especially with people who have been victimized by violence and / or abuse. It took YEARS of work and walking the path in order to demonstrate that I have changed and that I’m not going to resort to my old violent ways.

Sometimes I make mistakes, but I work hard to remedy those mistakes!

It has come to my attention that my separation from my wife of 25 years may have irreparably tarnished my reputation and integrity to hold space for those wanting to learn the Pacem Arts, heal and decolonize. I’ve also been informed by my dear friends that I may not be explaining what happened properly and as such I’m being misunderstood.

In order for me to explain what happened, I must first explain my boundaries. Please permit me to use an example. Many alcoholics must refrain from drinking in order to help themselves heal from their addiction. Any temptation of alcohol around them is often painful, stressful and highly triggering. People who support the alcoholics will do what they can to avoid drinking around them in order to help them heal.

Being a reformed abuser, I’ve had to set boundaries to avoid abuse and violence, much in the same way alcoholics do with their addictions. I’ve worked hard to take a zero tolerance stance with abuse because I had to in order to maintain my own health and well being. Violence and abuse highly triggers me. I feel pain, anxiety and extreme discomfort when people engage in abusive behaviour. The problem I have is that most people engage in abusive behaviour.

Much like an ex-alcoholic, I’m sensitive and I work hard to find ways to heal and cope with the behaviours of others so that I don’t engage in those behaviours myself. I do that by confronting them and seeing if they are able and willing to heal so that they no longer engage in the violence. Most people are not. So I walk away, doing my best to remove myself from the violence.

I’ve gone to the point of even removing myself from the government and corporations as those relationships are abusive as well. This is NOT an easy path to walk, but I’ve gone to extreme lengths to walk this path as my health and well being is extremely important to me and my relationships with those who fully comprehend the scope of this work that I do.

Many people don’t comprehend and as such they rebuke me with accusations that I throw away relationships far too easily, without realizing that my boundaries are there to protect myself and others. I end relationships because I don’t want to be abusive or violent but also abused either. I take a zero tolerance approach as my own health and well being depends on it and so does the salvation of my spirit! My resolve to walk this path is most likely beyond the comprehension of most people, including my ex-wife.

This caused great conflict between my ex-wife and I. She asked me to compromise my firm boundaries in order to maintain some level of relationships with those that she valued. She felt caught in the middle between me and others as I often refused to have a relationship with them. This caused great stress and anxiety within her and our relationship. So much so, that we were unable to find a remedy. As a result, she asked me to leave.

I willfully left and left almost everything with her as my love for her is absolute and the last thing I wanted to do is cause her pain and suffering. If I compromised my own boundaries, I have no doubt that I would have resorted to further violence and started going down a path that I absolutely refused to go. I’ve been down that path and it is dark, ugly, painful and downright violent. The most peaceful solution was to remove myself from the situation. I also walked away from the land that I spent 14 years building and developing. I left it all to her because I built it for her and my sons.

I’ve worked hard to be fully transparent and blunt about my journey in life. I’m no guru and I make no claims to know it all or be an expert of any kind. I share my journey and my story in the hopes that I can influence others to chose a path of peace, healing and freedom. While my life may seem extreme, in many ways it is. What I do well is hold space for others to do the same. I work hard to build trust so that people can feel safe to be vulnerable and do their work to heal.

I’ve witnessed many miracles over the years and I know that I make a difference. However, I am not for everyone. I am blunt, open and unyielding when it comes to honour, integrity, peace, freedom, prosperity and love. I am equally unyielding when it comes to violence, coercion, greed, war, theft and other violent behaviours, whether done overtly or covertly.

I am no saint or angel either. If you are looking for a professional teacher or therapist with pieces of paper on the wall, then you are in the wrong place. I hold space within this school for people who are serious about peace, healing and freedom. We all have trauma to heal, including myself. The group here is more than willing to help hold space so that we can do that work.

Make no mistake, this is work. Much like the martial arts, we do things over and over again, using repetition to help us learn and heal. People come and go, depending on their needs. Sometimes class is empty, often times it is full. Healing, peace and freedom is the primary goal.

What I do know is that this work will manifest beautiful things that was never designed or intended. Much like the martial arts, after years of training, a spiritual enlightenment starts to manifest within the student. I have no doubt the same will occur within the Pacem Arts as well. What that looks like is completely up to each individual student.

I trust that Spirit will guide that process and as such, I focus on the mechanics of healing, peace and freedom. I trust Spirit will help guide us on the spiritual and tribal manifestations that we are all searching for within our lives. I’ve learned a lot through this process already, now that the school has been up and running for seven months. We are young yet, but for those willing to take that leap of faith, I have no doubt that we will get there. Where are we going? I have no idea, but I trust in Creator to guide us along the way. It is the journey that I’m interested in, not the destination.

If this does not resonate with you, then you are welcome to find others to walk your path with. I will not apologize for being me, having firm boundaries and doing what I need to do in order to maintain my own health and integrity.